Do You Give Yourself Ultimatums?

By nature, people do not like ultimatums. They are threatening, limiting, and just plain nasty.

So, imagine how terrible it is when you give yourself one, or worse, many.

For some people — especially perfectionists black and white thinkers — giving ultimatums is a way of life. Even though it may seem like ultimatums are a motivational tool they are very self-destructive.

I know because I used to give myself ultimatums continually. It was part of my “all or nothing” thinking. Either I was going to get “x,” or I’d never get .”

In fact, here are some examples of ultimatums I used to give myself on a regular basis.

“Either this guy is “the one,” or I’m through with dating.”
“Either I get this promotion, or I’m quitting.”
“Either I stick to this diet, or I’ll be fat forever.”

Those are all pretty threatening, limiting, and nasty — right?

So, why would I do this to myself?

When I would propose these scenarios to myself, I was primarily retaliating against myself. By only ever give myself two choices — complete success or total failure — I would attack myself. I wouldn’t just limit the action itself as a success or failure; I would confine myself as a success or failure if I didn’t receive the desired outcome.

The problem with this way of thinking was that when I was only giving myself one of two possible outcomes, I was always placed 50% against myself.



With those odds, I wound up always struggling between the demands I had put on myself and the result of those requirements. That is where my inner conflicts began, and one of the ways to fight internal conflicts is to start allowing yourself to have more than two options when you desire something from yourself (or others).

Instead of declaring “Either this guy is “the one,” or I’m through with dating,” I began saying things like, “Perhaps, I’m not what he is looking for, but that’s okay.  I’m now one step closer to finding someone who thinks I’m amazing.”

Positioning the relationship prospect as being only a success or a complete failure,  provided me with only negative outcomes.

Changing the way I placed things, created greater odds for positive results.

Also, I’m now happily married, so I’m quite happy I gave myself more options!

I know it can be tough to stop giving yourself ultimatums and creating unnecessary conflicts within yourself.

Remember, there is no reason to be more demanding of yourself than anyone would be of you. And there is no need for anybody to be that demanding of you in the first place!

Be kind to yourself.  Always.





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What I learned When I (FINALLY) Quit Dieting

Dieting used to feel like my full-time job.

Every time I tried to give notice, the insecurity over not trusting myself enough around food stopped me.

It felt familiar.  Dieting was second nature.

And so was my self-doubt and dissatisfaction with my body.

I tried every diet, pill, potion, cleanse whathaveyou over the nearly two decades of my toxic relationship with food and my body.

So, I tried something radical (for me):  I stopped trying.

And this is what happened in the aftermath of my decision.

What I learned when I finally quit dieting

I got to eat what I wanted without feeling any guilt.

When you don’t have restrictions placed on your diet left, right and center it gets a lot less stressful when you decide to let yourself just eat!

I spent so many years worrying about whether the food had the right amount of carbs, sugar, fats, macros that it took all of the joy out of eating.

Seriously, just making a decision to eat was like solving a puzzle when half the pieces were missing.

Frustrating AND boring.

When I stopped restricting myself, I also stopped shaming and depriving myself.  Deprivation is fuel to the diet and food obsessed person’s inner motivation fire.

Without all the ‘self-policing,’ I was able to focus on listening to my body and becoming more in touch with what I wanted to eat rather than what I ‘shouldn’t.’

When you take restriction out of the equation, you no longer punish yourself for food choices.

I saved money even though I was eating more.  

I was a total sucker for energy drinks, diet snacks, and protein bars; not to mention diet pills, caffeine, and fitness enhancing supplements.

All of these “health” products were slimming down my bank account and doing nothing for my well-being.

I soon discovered that eating whole foods was not only more satisfying but much more beneficial to my overall fitness level.  And because I was eating healthy, flavourful foods like healthy fats, complex carbohydrates, and real protein sources, I found that when I did try to eat an odd “energy” bar, I was paying £2 to eat something that tasted like plastic and probably contained it too!

In the same respect, a piece of pie or cake for dessert tasted so much better.  Without eating processed foods, I appreciated the richness and flavor of the items I was eating.

Delicious food without a giant helping of guilt afterward hit the spot as well!

I realized that I was never “addicted” to anything I ate.  

One of the most rewarding things about breaking up with food restriction is that you understand that the propaganda about being addicted to sugar and salt is not real.

When I began eating like a normal person, I started to crave whole foods consistently.  Being able to eat all vegetables, fruits, and nuts alleviated the need for diet or sugar-free substitutes.

Products containing syrups, chemicals, additives, and preservatives are the culprits behind why you believe you’re “addicted” to them.

I also started to recognize my true hunger cues when I stopped restricting my diet.  Without constant insulin spikes, my body was able to lead me to a better understanding of my appetite and how to feed it.

I stopped being at war with my body

Restrictive eating and body judgment are anchors for shaming ourselves.  When I ceased to shame myself for the foods I was eating, I also stopped the cycle of body negativity.

A new cycle of rational and healthy give and take begins when you quit dieting.

Eating what my body needs when it needs it, stopped the mental battle I was living through while I was engaging in restrictive eating.

I stopped constantly being in a bad mood which I attributed to two things 1) processed foods were no longer screwing with my digestion and bodily functions and 2) I stopped shaming the hell out of myself for not being compliant with a diet plan.

It is amazing how much better you will see your body when you stop punishing yourself for not having “more control” over it.

The truth is, we have little control over our bodies and our health.  While eating well and being physically active are part of the formula for good health, they don’t guarantee it.

Self-compassion is something with which most of us struggle.  However, it is an even bigger battle when you spend your days and nights beating yourself up over eating a peanut butter cup.  You’re only human, and there are enough causes in life to get passionate and fight against, your body doesn’t need to be one of them!

I lost some weight (and it stayed off)

Emotional and physical weight can be present in our lives in equal measure.  When I quit my diet and began embracing self-compassion, it enabled me to shift weight without conscious effort.

As a coach who utilizes NLP, I can tell you that when you spend life thinking negative statements, you will also spend your life fighting against those thoughts, and 9 out of 10 times get the very thing you don’t want.

Your mind cannot process negative statements.  When you say to yourself “I can’t  eat sugar,” your mind will only hear, “eat sugar.”  While you think you are commanding yourself into not to doing something, you are essentially talking yourself into the very action.

Now, it may take some time for your weight to regulate within its set point range.  If your goal has always been to lose weight, then it may take longer to lose it this way than by, say,  carb cycling.

Enjoy and appreciate your body every single day that you have it.  Feed it with love and compassion and skip the side order of hate!


If you would like to break up with diet culture and embrace a life of nourishment, abundance, and peace of mind – why not book a FREE  30-minute consultation to help make your relationship with food and yourself a healthy one?

For more information, fill out the form below OR shoot me and e-mail!  I look forward to hearing from you!




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3 Ways You Can Promote Healthy Body Image To Your Kids

Let’s face it, the number of us concerned with our body image has never been higher than it is now. Many of us blame the increase in weight and body image issues on the media while others blame the diet and fitness industries.

While I typically like to discuss which workouts are most efficient and fun to fit into daily life, I am also a life coach and believe that seeing yourself in a positive light is crucial to a well-rounded, healthy lifestyle. It is also important to promote body positivity with your kids, and that can be difficult to do if you’re struggling with embracing it yourself.

We live in a society that sells image over substance nine times out of ten, and it is often commonplace to use shaming, exploitative, and manipulative advertising tactics as a form of motivation. If you always feel bad enough about yourself, then you’re more likely to buy that miracle pill, cream, or service to look your best.

Children are also subjected to negative messages and unfortunately have started showing signs of negative body image issues as early as the age of 5.

According to a survey conducted by GirlGuiding UK in 2013, one in five primary school-age girls admitted they have been on a diet.  87% of girls aged 11-21 think that women are judged more on their appearance than their ability. At a time when children should be developing their interests in school, culture, and how they view the world, they are instead discouraged from cultivating a healthy view of themselves.

Although it may seem improbable in the current beauty-obsessed culture, we live in to encourage children to love themselves unconditionally; I say it is not impossible.

I am not suggesting that these three tips will eradicate all body image issues.   But in utilizing them, you can begin to take control of your household.

Three ways you can promote healthy body image to your kids

1. Evaluate your relationship with body image, weight, and food. Do you assign moral value to food? Do you have a healthy attitude towards your body? Children learn by example, and studies show that children who grow up with parents who make derogatory statements about their diet and weight have a drastically increased risk of sharing that same mindset. One of the most efficient ways to instill an attitude of self-acceptance in your child is to have one yourself. Adopt an attitude toward your body that you want your child to replicate.

2. Encourage your child to know his or her strengths and what makes them unique and extraordinary. Start conversations about their world and ask their opinion on subjects that don’t involve appearances. Teach your children to value strengths beyond looks, such as kindness, mindfulness, and knowledge. You owe it to your kids to show them that there is more to life than meets the eye.

3. Stop criticizing, envying, and judging other people based on their bodies, looks, beliefs, or diets. Kids already view hundreds of nasty “trolling” comments plastered all over social media on a daily basis. They don’t need more of that at home. We live in a society where complete strangers tear each other apart with rude, unsolicited comments regarding physical appearances.

These observations are not only horribly cruel, but they serve no purpose.

Lead by example when it comes to making statements about others. As the saying goes, “Admiring someone else’s beauty shouldn’t diminish your own.”

Choose to talk positively and substantially about others and your children will take notice.

While it often appears as though the unattainable beauty standard is here to stay, an exciting shift is taking place.

In 2015, social media users fought for body type acceptance through campaigns, such as #EffYourBeautyStandards and the Body Positivity movement.

People want to see more diversity in the media they consume.

And an important step is — for everyone — to show that beauty is about more than our weight and outer appearances.

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The “Set Point” Weight Range

I want to talk about the “set point”  weight range theory and what this means for you, my diet obsessed friend.

In my experience, when I finally decided — despite my profession — that I was going to start listening to my body and not my inner voices, things began to change for my body composition.

I’m a small person.  I’m 5 foot 1 to be exact (though many have tried to challenge this – the measuring tape holds the truth!).

For me, many years of my body dissatisfaction came from things about my body that despite how thin I disciplined myself to get, never changed.

As a result, I spent most of my life trying to fit a mold that was physically impossible for my body.

I could get myself down to a lower weight, but try as I might, if I didn’t engage in restrictive eating – regardless of my fitness level – my weight would continue to creep back up to this particular number.


What I didn’t understand back then (besides literally everything about my need to control food and health) was that my body longed to be where it would return.  Like clockwork.

If you know anything about going against a tide, it’s that you will go down without a fight.  And, eventually, if you don’t turn your ass around, you will be defeated.

Your weight is like this too.

The “set point” weight range

What is the set-point theory?

According to research conducted by MIT Medical:

The set-point theory originally developed in 1982 by Bennett and Gurin to explain why repeated dieting is unsuccessful in producing long-term change in body weight or shape. Going on a weight-loss diet is an attempt to overpower the set point, and the set point is a seemingly tireless opponent to the dieter.

The takeaway from this theory is that our bodies cannot differentiate between dieting and starvation when it comes to defending our fat stores.

When we attempt to control our weight through restrictive dieting, our bodies will want to continue to stay within a “set-point” weight range.

If you don’t believe this to be true, just look at the controversy surrounding past participants from TV’s The Biggest Loser.  The majority of the participanthave not only failed to maintain their weight loss but, in many cases, they weigh even more now.

When we allow ourselves to eat intuitively, our weight tends to stay within its “set point” weight range naturally.

Knowing our body’s range helps us understand what our bodies truly need.

I finally learned that after years of attempting to control my weight  — and after obtaining professional certifications to help others manage theirs —  most of us are fighting against the weight range our bodies want to be.

The truth is this:  When we struggle we tend to engage in the restrictive and controlling behaviors that ultimately set us up for failure.  

What about people who think this theory is BS?

People will argue until the end of time that being a larger size is detrimental to overall health.  While there are correlations between weight and certain chronic conditions, there is no solid proof of causation.  

In fact, studies have shown, people considered “obese” by the medical community have the same mortality rate as people within a “normal” weight range when they eat fruits and vegetables, don’t smoke, perform regular physical activity, and have moderate alcohol consumption.

Conversations about body acceptance are crucial to people’s relationship with food.

Mental health, not thinness,  is a critical component for optimal physical health.

And let’s be clear, being thin does not equate optimal mental or physical health.

Trust me; I have worked with many thin fitness professionals who have more health issues than the heaviest client I have had.

The bottom line is (and common sense, as well as credible studies, have shown) we cannot shame and hate ourselves into loving our bodies.

I know you are afraid of giving up “control.”

But, you don’t have much control anyway.  Sorry, but you have been brainwashed into thinking you do.

And diets don’t work.  

Deep down, you know this.  

Want to know what does work?

Learning to accept your body and having genuine respect for all that it does for you.

That’s what I’m here to help you do.

If you would like to know more about the “set point weight range” you can listen to this fantastic TED Talk by Sandra Aamodt here.

Want to work with me?  Feel free to email me — I would love to hear from you!






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5 Healthy Living Habits To Start Today

As a wellness solutions coach, I often hear people express discouragement when they decide to start a wellness journey.  I call this “stuck in the big picture frame of mind.”  And when people are stuck here,  the first things they should do is take a step back and think about actions they wish to change toward their overall success.  So, today I’ve compiled a list of 5 healthy living habits you can start today.  Ease in, start with these tips and be on your way to healthy habits in no time.

  1. Drink more water.  Hydration plays such an important part in our overall health.  The average person drinks far less than the daily recommended amount.  Dehydration is a serious issue, and it has many side effects including headaches, insomnia, constipation, and poor concentration.  I try to drink two liters of water per day.  If you’re not sure how much water your body requires, you can use this calculation:
    [Weight (lbs) x 0.5 = ounces required per day*]  ex.  A 150lb individual would need 75 ounces of water or just over 2 liters.  *Add 12 ounces for every 30 minutes of physical activity you perform (ACSM).
  2. Add vegetables and fruit to every single meal and make them part of one of your daily snacks.  Have you tried a Pink Lady Apple?  FYI, they are amazing with nut butter!
  3. Laugh out loud.  Sometimes we all take life a little too damn seriously, right?  Did you know, when you laugh, you stimulate your heart, lungs, and muscles?  It also helps regulate your body’s response to environmental and outside stressors.  My go-to video when I just need to laugh my ass off has been the same for years.  You can watch it here.  Also, you’re welcome.
  4. Add chia and flax seeds to your diet. I recommend using both (ground) chia and flax seeds as part of your lifestyle.  Why? Because they both contain omega-3 fatty acids in the form of alpha-linolenic acids (ALAs) which aid in reduced inflammation, reduced sugar cravings, functional digestion, and deliver essential micronutrients your body needs.
  5. Start resistance training and lifting weights.  I think now more than ever people are starting to understand the importance and benefits of weight-bearing exercise -, especially women!  Resistance training helps increase your strength and flexibility, which will contribute to protecting your joints from injury.  Weight-bearing exercise helps to strengthen bones and aids in the prevention of degenerative diseases such as osteoporosis.  Super important stuff.

For those of you feeling even more adventurous, here are a few more tips you can fit into your daily routine:

Are you interested in learning more about how nutritional therapy can improve your life?  I have helped individuals find complementary solutions for a range of conditions with great results!





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