Happy Tuesday, to you! I always feel like once Monday is out of the way, I’m good. Monday can be my best friend or my worst enemy.
Especially back in the day when I used to spend the entire weekend going out, drinking far too much, eating fried food at 3 am (most likely off a truck), and being physically reckless. Monday was not a good day for me, pretty much every single week.
Honestly, some days I say, “Oh well, I was in my 20’s, ” but honestly, I should have been wrapping that ridiculous carrying on up long before I did.
Still, out of all of my bad habits, there was one habit I had for most of my life that dictated all the rest. It’s a habit I think many people have and it’s a worthwhile one to kick.
The “all or nothing” mentality.
I couldn’t just drink one glass of wine. Once it was corked, so was I.
I couldn’t leave any french fries on my plate. I’d make those my “last” french fries for the month/year
If I joined the gym, I was going seven days a week. If I missed Monday’s workout, I’d wait until the next Monday — the week was wasted already.
I couldn’t just eat one Oreo. I had to eat the entire sleeve of Oreos, or maybe even the whole pack. After all, it was going to be my last Oreos for the month/year.
The very act of typing out those statements just reiterates to me how much I was destined for failure without actually trying.
When I finally decided to take control of my health, I vowed not to use any scales or measurements to track my progress. I decided to allow my body to show me the progress in ways that would help me train myself to stop thinking in such black and white terms.
As an individual recovering from years of bulimia and emotional eating, my black and white thinking was just about the only way I knew how to approach anything.
You can probably imagine — or maybe you know firsthand — this way of thinking is extremely limiting regarding perceived success and fairly extensive regarding failure.
Life In Grayscale
You find out when your printer is running low on colored ink, and it asks you if you would prefer to print in grayscale to preserve your supply? I try to live by this approach when it comes to my lifestyle. I guess you could say it’s on par with “everything in moderation” but for a black and white thinker, I think it has to be much more of a visual reconditioning.
I never used to understand moderation, and since it’s such a subjective term, my version of moderation was different than the term used by most people. I grew up with a grandmother who made a stack of 12 pancakes per grandchild! I come from a long line of indulging in too much of a good thing.
So, for me, thinking of my lifestyle as the “grayscale” worked best. It’s not entirely white though there are varying shades of lightness. And yet, it is not entirely black, though it can be on the darker side at times.
Grayscale is a place where I don’t have to feel a constant state of guilt about not giving 150% or only giving 15%. It is a place where I can focus less on the restrictions of having to choose one side or the other. Good or bad. Right or wrong.
It’s all okay and living here has brought me more joy and accomplishment than I ever thought possible.
Won’t you join me?[Tweet “Stop living life in black and white. Try the grayscale! #SelfImprovement #MentalHealth #EatingDisorder via @BeetsPerMinute”]